


A New Beginning

by lunarWormie



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 14:59:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10721667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarWormie/pseuds/lunarWormie
Summary: After Solas left, Eirene Lavellan was heartbroken and wants to find herself again.Takes place after Inquisition and before Tresspasser.





	A New Beginning

               I woke up with a thundering headache. My eyes were swollen and raw from the tears and there was a dull ache in my chest. Aside from those few feelings, everything else in my body was numb and heavy. I considered getting up and going to join my companions for breakfast, but couldn’t manage to tear myself out of the fetal position I’d been in for the past two days. I knew I needed to eat, I needed to talk to someone. I needed to do something other than sit in my sorrow over things I cannot change. As if on cue, there was a knock on my door. I was too tired to say anything, but thankfully I didn’t need to. The door opened and I heard footsteps making their way up.

              “I figured you were hungry.” I heard Dorian say, feeling the bed sink as he sat near my feet. The smell of roasted nug made me nauseous.

              “I appreciate it, but I don’t think I could eat even if I wanted to.” I replied, not able to force myself to move.

              Dorian sighed and stood back up, setting the plate on my nightstand before making his way to the other side of my bed. He sat back down and began to unlace his boots, before he slipped them off and lay next to me on the bed. He took one of my hands in his, a friendly gesture.

              “I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I want you to know that I’m here to listen to you. And fetch anything you need. Or rather fetch someone to fetch whatever you need.” He said, a gentle smile on his face.

              I broke down crying again, and he pulled me into him, resting my head on his chest, as he stroked my back, letting me cry myself dry.

              “Feel better?” He asked after I calmed down, then chuckled sourly. “Oh, who am I kidding? Of course you’re not. I’m sorry this has happened to you, my friend.”

              I nodded into him sighing. “I just wish I knew why. I figured he just needed to…stop whatever was happening before we got in too deep. With the end of the world coming, if one of us lost the other…I can’t…I…” I couldn’t continue, couldn’t imagine the thought of Solas’s corpse on the ground. Never hearing his voice again, never seeing his eyes light up as he rambles on about the fade and all his friends he’s met through the years.

              I choked back sobs as the realization hit me that I never _would_ see him again. After Corypheus was defeated, I turned my back on Solas for only a minute and he was gone. No final goodbyes, nothing. I would give anything now just to have him near me. With him at my side, I felt I could do anything. I was unstoppable. But when he left, he took my heart with him.

              I started laughing, a dry unamused laugh and Dorian stopped rubbing my back. I felt his eyes on me, “Care to share what’s on your mind, my dear inquisitor?” He asked, waiting for me to answer.

              “If only they could see me now. The Herald of Andraste, the Leader of the Inquisition, crying over a self-absorbed elven apostate. Nobody would believe that just three days ago, I saved the world from an evil tevinter darkspawn.”

              My voice was horse as I spoke. It pained me to reduce Solas to those words. He was more than that. He was complex and beautiful and passionate about the fade and elven history. When I first met him, I couldn’t stand the thought of traveling with him. He had an abrasive personality, and would argue for hours claiming the Dalish got everything wrong in history. He would criticize everything about my clan, knowing it would set me off. There were several times in the beginning that I had to be pulled away to keep from attacking him after he had relentlessly antagonized me.

              Then I stopped fighting with him. Instead of going against everything he said about the Dalish, I asked him to educate me. He was confused at first, assuming this a trick, but eventually conceded, becoming my mentor and soon my friend. Where I would have rolled my eyes and looked for a way out of the conversation before, I became enraptured, imagining all of the spirits he’d met along the way. The way he spoke of them made me feel like I knew them personally.

              It wasn’t all story telling and fun though. He knew a lot about the mark on my hand, and was determined to make sure I did as well. Many, many nights were spent discussing it and reading his notes and practicing. Gods the amount of practice he had me do left me drained for days afterward. But it was worth it. He was very patient with me, showing me over and over again what to do until I eventually got it right.

_'How have you not given up on me yet, Solas?’ I asked him one day after a particularly aggravating session. I finally was able to conjure the stone fist, but I could not make it explode, merely drop to the ground with an unsatisfying force. He just chuckled and shook his head._

_‘I’m a self-taught mage, if I didn’t give up on my arrogant self, I refuse to give up on you. Take a deep breath and try again, but hold the stone there.’ He said softly, walking a circle around the training yard in a steady, casual pace, coming to rest behind me._

_I brought another boulder up and held it there, waiting for further instruction._

_‘Close your eyes and breathe in, and out.’ He spoke softly behind me, I followed his instructions, skin tingling from his closeness. ‘Clear your mind of everything but the stone, and keep focusing on your breathing. In, out. In, out. Now let go of the stone, let it fall and imagine it shattering on the ground.’ I did as he was told and heard a devastating crash. I smiled as I opened my eyes, seeing the aftermath of the spell. Rocks littered the ground, rolling as far as the tavern door._

_‘And that’s why I refuse to give up.’ He whispered. That voice sent shocks through my body, filling my mind with thoughts that would make even The Iron Bull blush if he’d heard them._

_I turned around to face him, eyes shifting from his perfect lips to his pale eyes and landing again at his lips. He cleared his throat and looked away. ‘I think that’s enough practice today. You did well. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He bowed slightly and turned to walk back to his library. I bit my lip, embarrassed and could feel the heat flooding my cheeks and neck._

 

             “I would believe it.” Dorian whispered, pulling me from my own thoughts. “They may not, but they also did not know how that self-absorbed elven apostate was. He was quite a smooth talker, from what I’d overheard. If I had been able to stand his disparaging remarks against my homeland and the way he held himself up higher than anyone, I would have been quite smitten. But nobody stood a chance with him, not with you around.” He sighed and shifted me off of him, sitting up and lacing his boots again. “Alright, let’s get out of this room. I can’t stand looking at those curtains anymore. We’ll have to have those fixed soon.”

             He stood then at the foot of my bed, waiting expectantly for me to get up and get dressed. I pulled the blanket around me and covered my head, hiding from him and the rest of the world. He chuckled and came to my side again, gently pulling the covers off of me and wrapped his fingers around my wrist, pulling me into a sitting position, and eventually out of the bed. “You need to change and come downstairs. A good sparring match will put you in a better mood.” He said matter of factly, gathering me some clothes to wear and dropping them in my arms.

             My fingers twitched and I could feel my magic surging just below my skin, waiting to be released. He was right, that’s exactly what I needed it. Feeling my aura change, Dorian smirked and took my hand in his again, squeezing it lightly before turning to leave, giving me the privacy to change. “I’ll see you at the Rest.” He called over his shoulder, closing the door behind him.

 

             The noise in the tavern was louder and more cheerful than normal as I walked in. I guess with the threat of the world ending now gone, people could finally relax and have fun. I spotted Dorian sitting with Bull and the Chargers, and went to join them, sitting in between Dalish and Dorian.

             “Hey boss.” Bull said casually, but the look in his eye was full of pity. “Hey Bull.” I nodded and stole a sip of Dorian’s ale, wincing at the taste. “How do you drink that shit Dorian?” I asked, coughing.

              “I can’t stand it, but you have to be at least a little drunk to stand being around these fools.” Dorian smirked and nudged Bull with his arm.

              “That hurt, Dorian. That was hurtful.” Bull said, looking down at Dorian and smiled back at him, a goofy, lopsided grin. I dropped my eyes to my lap, digging my nails into the chair I was seated in.

              My chest hurt looking at them. They were happy together and I should be happy for them, but I can’t help the jealously that wormed its way into my heart. They found happiness and companionship and what did I find? A broken heart and abandonment.

              As if sensing my discomfort, Dorian pulled from Bull and cleared his throat. He stood up and straightened his clothes, patting Bull of the shoulder and turning to me. “Shall we duel now?” He pointed at the door and waited for me to lead the way.


End file.
